Speaking of pain meds, I’m currently on copious amounts so if this reads like a sloppy ripoff of a Hunter S. Thompson stream of consciousness rambling, I apologize in advance. So, yesterday I had a D&C and hysteroscopy in the OR once again. The main reason is because the hatching blasts didn’t take for me yet resulted in a twin pregnancy for the other donor recipient. Fun. And yes, doctor, thanks for sharing her beta result, (over 400). 😒 It could be the luck of the draw but honestly, this seems to go way beyond bad luck. There have now been 8 embryos transferred into my uterus to never implant. That is beyond uncommon.
The procedure has left me much more achy this time. Probably because my weight is higher than it was in February when I last had a D&C/hysteroscopy. My back especially is hurting like a kidney infection ache. Unpleasant. All that being said, I’m glad my doctor agreed to do this again. We have agreed to one more donor FET and I wanted to ascertain that there were no more polyps or scar tissue prior to the next transfer.
People always ask how the “journey” is going. I think my last entry plus this one perfectly sums it all up. I was on top of the moon happy and hopeful. I was literally picking outfits and envisioning when maternity leave would fall. This entry I’ve just had surgery, I feel like shit and I’m pretty unfucking hopeful. We’ve spent in the ballpark of $30K for nothing other than me weighing 60 lbs more than when all this started and us both being more cynical than ever. I know that’s not what people want to hear when they ask how things are going. They want to be kind and have an inspirational conversation. Normally I can pull it out but now I’m over being an “infertility warrior”. How about I get to be a bitter, barren crone for once?? If this is truly my journey, that’s what this leg of the trip is looking like.
So for now I’m taking my pain pills every 6 hours, eating whatever I crave and being extremely lazy until I feel 100% again. Pretty uninspiring but definitely completely accurate. Here’s looking forward to the next entry being on the rollercoaster ascent.