Always Another Delay

So last time I wrote I talked about how our first cycle would begin in 2 weeks. I was freaking out afraid I wouldn’t have all my medications in time. I paid cash prices for most, (cetrotide, progesterone in oil, ovidrel and micro HCG), through Freedom Fertility Pharmacy. The process was super organized and they have an awesome package tracking system. For the most expensive, (Gonal F), I went through my insurance and therefore CVS Caremark. Before I start complaining about this process, let me just say how incredibly lucky I am that I have fertility coverage. It may not be a ton, ($25,000 lifetime), but it helps. So CVS Caremark specialty pharmacy is the hottest of hot messes. I had to call them more than 10 times over the course of 2 days along with calling my Winfertility case nurse just to get my prescription to me. Also, the Gonal F that would’ve been about $4,000 had I paid cash may have only cost $50 but because insurance companies use retail prices for billing, it used over $10,000 of my lifetime benefit. Then it arrived 6 hours after estimated arrival time with me fretting the entire time since it’s a refrigerated medication. Ridiculous.

Apparently there was no need for me to worry. My period was 2 weeks late. I’m never late. But of course the month where we have something major happening I go out of my normal pattern. Every day I was hoping it would start and eventually it did. I rang my nurse and she let me know to begin taking active birth control pills for 5 days beginning the 4th day of my cycle. I’ve been on and off birth control most my adult life and have never had a bad reaction. This time, however, I was nauseated, dizzy, vomiting, lethargic, etc. I tried to stay busy and count down the days to begin taking the stimulation medications. The day after my last pill I was scheduled to go in for my baseline ultrasound and bloodwork. Leading up to then my nurse and I were emailing daily as I got my calendar and had a ton of questions.

The day of my baseline tests I chatted with all my favorite people who work in the office for the RE. The financial coordinator shared that we’re on her short list of people she wants to see graduate and move on to an OBGYN and parenthood. It was really sweet. I tried to write the check for my 20% copay but the receptionist let me know I needed to have my baseline first just to make certain we were good to go before they accept payment. I went back, weighed in, had my blood pressure taken, got my blood drawls and waited for my doctor to come in for the ultrasound.

As soon as he inserted the wand, we were off to a rough start. My endometrial lining was the thickness of pre-menstruation. I verified that I’d had my period the week before and it was very light and then began birth control on CD4. He continued the ultrasound and the next thing was an inch and a half cyst on my left ovary. At that point he shared that my body had obviously had a negative reaction to birth control and that we’d need to hold off on IVF until the cyst disappeared and I’d had a full menstrual cycle. He also let me know that the next cycle I would not prime with birth control due to how it had impacted my body. Once again I would need to reach out with my next period to kick off the IVF cycle attempt.

As crazy as it sounds, this was kind of a relief. My work is changing from a fleet vehicle program to personal car stipends and I have to purchase a car by the end of June. I had been so stressed about buying a car in the midst of going through IVF and having an egg retrieval. On top of that, my business year ends the last week of July and so that is a month it’s easier for me to be in my office opposed to the need to be in my stores the month of June. By my cycle being delayed I was able to spend that week with my supervisor and 4 of my peers, the next week in 7 of my stores and the following week in my remaining 9 stores. This makes me feel so much better about taking time away from my job in July.

That being said, I’m at the point where I’m starting to wonder if we will ever do this. We’ve been trying to have a kid for going on 2 years and I’m losing my steam. Every time I start to think we’re getting somewhere, there’s another huge stumbling block. At this juncture, I don’t necessarily always keep the most positive attitude. I slip into a mindset of let’s just get IVF over and done because it probably won’t work anyway. I try not to go there but it seems like we’re constantly getting thrown off track. How people can keep trying for extensive period is beyond me. I just don’t have the stamina. Here’s hoping I won’t need to have it too much longer.

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